I had mixed emotions regarding this post, I had to ask the person if I could post the story and everything that came with it due to the fact that it is quite an emotional story and a personal one at that.
This is a 2 part series so part 2 will be up on my blog tomorrow when I post day 19 of the challenge just to clarify and because there was more to the story.
“A broken heart is the worst. It’s like having broken ribs. Nobody sees it, but it hurts every time you breathe”
For me, my world fell apart when the fighting started. It would start out as heated arguments which would turn into “whatever, I love you’s” and you’d think it would be something along the lines of “Oh but that’s romantic, the passion you have after a fight”. I thought so too, until the fighting became personal and would happen on a daily basis. Due to the fact that we hardly saw each other and I was performing poorly academically, he would throw it in my face because he was a top achiever and say the ugliest of things to me. I retaliated by being just as nasty and using the worst language and insults. The worse the fighting became, the more bitter it made me as a person. Eventually, I reached my breaking point where every evening we would fight, I would cry myself to sleep. In a way, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed sleep so much that I would blow off doing my homework just to get away from the pain I had to endure. My heart was shattered one night when I called him in tears and hysterically asked him “Why are you doing this?” and his response was “why are you crying? I don’t understand”. I became really sick during the time when the fighting started and started sleeping more, becoming really anxious around big groups of people and just unhappy in general. One day, I received word that my dad was heading off to work overseas in a war-torn country and decided to go over to visit my boyfriend at the time to let him know the news. My dad was leaving relatively soon so my mom told me I couldn’t stay long. When I broke down about my dad leaving he was relatively understanding and consoled me. For once I was happy, until I told him I couldn’t stay at his house for long. He just wasn’t having it and got really upset and when it was time to say goodbye, he didn’t hug me. Just told me that my family was waiting. Little did I know that when I got home, that would have been the last time I said goodbye to him. He had erased me from his contacts and refused to answer all my calls. He blocked me on Facebook and that was the last time I had heard from him. For nights on end I would cry hysterically and that’s when I started having panic attacks. My body would go into a total spasm after crying and I wouldn’t be able to breathe. I would pull out clumps of my hair and tend to throw up my food when I felt like I ate too much. I was mentally drained. I made fake accounts to check up on how he was doing and it turned out that there was another girl (discussed in part 2) and he seemed to have moved on. I remember one of my best friends asking me how I felt about 2 weeks afterwards and I told her that sometimes I would check my pulse because I felt so dead inside and I was scared my heart was broken to the extent that it stopped beating. I made a mistake by entering another volatile relationship where the guy I was with slept around with other girls. I felt like that was it for me, I couldn’t do it anymore.
That’s when I picked up my music player and lost myself in relatable music. It felt so good to just know that someone else could relate to what I went through. Music lead to dancing and I lost weight and started taking care of myself. I started changing the way I dress and being happier in general. I was happy because I could depend on myself, I started doing better in school and just immersing myself in everything I could to take my mind off of things.
That’s when my ex came back into the picture….
To be continued