“Please don’t get me wrong, I’ll always love the person you were. I just can’t love who you are now and what you’re becoming”
Before I start, I feel like you need to hear this.
–PRESS PLAY TO WATCH/LISTEN–
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t begin a new chapter of my life without closing an old one.
6 months ago, I was broken, unhappy and unmotivated. I questioned if life was worth it and I thought that the end of a relationship with someone who was your “best friend” was the end of the world. The girl I was 6 months ago hardly ever posted blog posts, felt too scared to upload YouTube videos because I didn’t have help and didn’t have any friends because I felt it was better to keep to myself.
It’s so funny to me because I would wish he’d come back and say he was wrong, apologizing for what he did, not even wishing me for my 21st birthday. When the time came and I saw this person again, there was no apology. No remorse. No care about how I was doing but merely, “what more can I get from you, knowing that you’re vulnerable?”.
Some things never change.
In my loneliness and longing, I found comfort, until I realized I wasn’t comfortable anymore.
I can honestly say that 6 months later, I feel happier. In fact, I can honestly say that I don’t even remember being this happy. I go out more, I sing in the car for the fun of it and most of all, I’m not alone anymore. I have friends, people who genuinely carry my best interest at heart.
Please know this…
With the people I have in my life now, I have slowly started to erase you. In all honesty, I have you to thank for this. If I had never left, I wouldn’t have found what happiness truly feels like.
My heart doesn’t go into race mode when I see your car, my heart doesn’t drop when I see you or your friends. I no longer walk into your work place praying you won’t be there.
I will always cherish what we had, but I don’t know who you are anymore and I don’t like what you’ve become.
I am happy, that is all you need to know. You don’t have to come back, you don’t need to text me to ask if I’m okay. Thank you for everything, but know that nothing more will come of this. Not a friendship, a conversation or a visit.
“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”
After four years, this is goodbye. Not for now, but forever.