Return (feelings) to sender.

Ghosted? Don’t worry, me too.

PSA: If my future husband is reading this, appreciate all the things your girl had to go through before she found you.

Ghosted: when someone cuts off all communication with you, after you’ve expressed interest or you’ve been on a date. Usually done without prior notice and with a strong possibility that you will never see that person again.

Ah, my love life. Otherwise known as a series of unfortunate events. I can’t particularly pinpoint when this “ghosting” saga started to happen so I can’t really assume that there’s a reason for all these pathetic instances. I thought it would be fun to put together a few of my favourite ghosters, so you can see that you’re not alone, or you could just have a laugh at my expense!

HE THOUGHT HE WAS TOO COOL FOR A COLOURED

cool-guy

Tinder. The one place on Earth that allows me to question the male species. However, occasionally you’ll actually find a decent guy or two. Well, I think. You see, I once met this guy that liked me so much that HE started making wedding plans. So, assuming I was wifey material, I decided to see where this would go. Keep in mind that this guy is a plumber, and I didn’t think twice about it (haha, Deeanne, you idiot). Everything goes well and we make plans to meet up and see if we hit it off in person. Until one day, when he went away with his friends for a weekend.

I hate being a mom, so naturally I give him his space and wait for him to come back. I waited, and I waited… Until I got a text saying “hey” to which I responded that I hope he’s having a great time. He says “Yeah, I told my friends about you. they were not expecting me to date a coloured girl. I thought you were white!”. Slap in the face? yup. Assuming that this douche just has foot in mouth disease, I put that behind me and continue the conversation which I watched slowly die, until eventually he just stopped replying.

So not only do I attract idiots, but I attract racist plumbers too.

HE FELL ASLEEP ON ME

bqZpW

I think one thing I love about my friends is that they’re willing to go above and beyond to make sure I put myself out there. So one day, my friend gives this guy my number. He didn’t message me until a few days later but I thought he was pretty cool, my mistake. He would constantly tell me that he’s super shy and not used to putting himself out there (which was becoming quite a bore, like get it together please). One thing I noticed was that whenever I tried to make plans and move on to more serious topics of conversations, he would “fall asleep” on me and only reply the next morning. Usually when he’d reply I’d be so busy with campus that I’d forget. And one day, as I plucked up the courage to make plans, he fell asleep, and never woke up. Kidding! Although that was probably the last time we spoke.

To this day, I still see him around campus wishing that the ground would swallow me up because clearly, he’s not asleep anymore.

THE GHOSTER WITH THE GIRLFRIEND

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Guys, when someone ghosts you, understand that sometimes it’s for a good reason. One thing I hate about myself is that I always seem to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s in my nature and definitely a downfall for me because I tend to be blind when it comes to people’s faults. Take this guy I knew from high school for instance. We used to be good friends even though he was older than me. One day he slides into my Facebook DM’s and hits me with this:

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This guy was smooth. I’d like to think that I myself am quite the flirt. So I decide that one more can’t do any harm, right? EH, WRONG. This guy spends the whole weekend making plans, sending a ton of voice notes and even asking to pick me up. Monday rolls around and this guy goes missing off the face of the earth. I don’t really like to read too much into these things because I myself have a life and whatever, but this guy goes missing for about a month. One day, he posts a status update and I decide to ask him where he went. He spins me a story about how he’s been busy with work and I, like the idiot I am, give him the benefit of the doubt. One night, he asks if he can take me out for a Sunday drive and dinner DATE with a sunset view. I tend to get a bit uneasy when someone asks to pick me up so I agree to meet him there the next day. Before I go to bed, he sends me a message saying “I hope my girlfriend is cool with us hanging out”.

This time, I ghosted him.

Please tell me I’m not the only idiot who attracts the worst guys ever? If so, could someone please remove the sign on my back that says “It’s okay to ghost this one”? Although I must admit, it’s pretty damn funny when I look back on it.

mj-laughing

Gotta Ghost!

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